”Nurturing Children or Raisin’ Cain?”
Intro.
1. Request: Please do a lesson on raising children (scriptures) with love and discipline.
2. The question implies a link between discipline, love, & proper rearing of children. That linkage is proper (1 Ths. 2:11-12; Heb. 12:5-6, 10-11).
3. Children are our inheritance from God – Psa. 127:3 (Prov. 17:6).
4. Goal: Present our children to the Lord – Gen. 18:19; 1 Sam. 1:22; 2:11.
5. Heavenly Father knows best how to rear children. Listen to His word of wisdom, or we are liable to ‘raise Cain’ instead of rearing children!
I. COMPREHENSIVE NATURE OF DISCIPLINE – Eph. 6:4.
A. Instruction – cf. Prov. 1:8-9.
1. Teach about life; teach word of God, Deut. 4:8-10; 6:4-9; 11:18-19.
2. Training in righteousness (cf. Timothy, 2 Tim. 3:15).
B. Correction – Prov. 3:12, 13:24; 22:15; 29:17.
II. DIVINE GUIDANCE ON REARING CHILDREN.
A. Insist that Your Children Obey You – Eph. 6:1-3. (Teach & correct)
1. “The thing that impresses me the most about America is the way parents obey their children.” (King Edward VIII, 1894 – 1972)
2. “There was a time when we expected nothing of our children but obedience, as opposed to the present, when we expect everything of them but obedience.” (Anatole Broyard) cf. Prov. 30:11
3. Jesus & His parents – Lk. 2:51.
4. Eli & his sons – 1 Sam. 2:12, 22-25, 29; 3:13.
B. Praise as Well as Punish.
1. Make the punishment fit the offense (cf. Eli, 1 Sam. 2:22-24).
2. Punishment w/o praise will break a child’s spirit – Col. 3:21 (“to be disheartened, dispirited, broken in spirit”).
3. Be fair-minded & just.
C. Give Them What They Need, Not Necessarily What They Want – Matt. 7:8-11.
1. “It is not giving children more that spoils them; it is giving them more to avoid confrontation. (John Gray, “Children Are From Heaven”)
2. Say “yes” when you can & “no” when you must!
D. Be Consistent– 1 Sam. 2:12, 22; 3:13.
1. In teaching, correction (Follow through; Stay in control).
2. Practice what you preach (2 Tim. 1:5).
E. Do Not Show Favoritism – Gen. 26:28; 37:3.
-Recognize & respect individuality while remaining impartial.
F. Work Together – Lk. 2:51 (cf. Gen. 27:5).
1. Children sense conflict between parents & exploit it! (Matt. 12:25)
2. Share & help each other with the children, the home, etc.
G. Find & Develop the Child’s “Way” – Prov. 22:6.
1. Don’t try to make him/her into what you wanted to be, but weren’t.
2. Give direction & discipline fit for each – cf. Eccl. 2:3; 5:18-19; 12:1.
3. “The art of mothering is to teach the art of living to children. (Elain Heffner, O Magazine, May 2003)
H. Set Godly Examples – Isa. 39:4; Prov. 4:1-4 (2 Tim. 1:5).
1. Love God (Matt. 22:37): Obey, worship, put Him first, etc.
2. Love man (Matt. 22:39): Honesty, fairness, kindness, mercy, etc.
I. Pray for God’s Help – Judg. 13:8-9; Jas. 1:5-8 (Phil. 4:6-7).
-Rely on God’s truth to direct you – Prov. 3:5-6.
J. Be Patient.
1. Start early in life – 2 Tim. 3:15 (cf. Hannah & Samuel; Jochebed & Moses).
2. Stay the course – Prov. 19:18; 23:13-14; 29:15.
K. Confess & Repent When You Sin against Your Children – cf. Jas. 5:16.
-Parents sin against their children (Col. 3:21). Deal with it God’s way!
L. Remember: The Responsibility & Accountability is Yours.
1. Seek counsel – cf. Tit. 2:4; Prov. 11:14; 15:22.
2. Filter the well-meaning advice, suggestions, recommendations of others through the sieve of truth & wisdom.
3. Beware of intrusive meddlers & meddling – 1 Pet. 4:15.
4. Everyone is an expert: “Before I got married I had six theories bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.” (John Wilmot)
Conclusion
1. Men are generally more careful of the breed of their horses and dogs than of their children.” (William Penn, 1644 – 1718)
2. Children deserve our careful attention (Prov. 29:15).
3. Use God’s word – not human theories & “wisdom” – to teach us to train up our children in the “training and admonition of the Lord.”
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GOD’S ADVICE TO OUR YOUNG GRADUATES
Intro.
1. The state of our youth (Socrates, c. 400 BC; sermon in AD 1274).
2. Young people are facing & making choices that will stay with you for the rest of your life (education, dating/marriage, drugs, alcohol, gangs, etc.). – cf. Deut. 30:15
3. Most important decision you can make is to serve God.
4. Eccl. 11:9-12:1 – Wise advice to young people (any age).
-[Three R's for educating young people.]
I. REJOICE IN YOUR YOUTH – 11:9.
A. Being Young Is A Blessing From God – cf. 12:3-8.
1. Strength – Prov. 20:29. (cf. 1 Sam. 17:35-37; Psa. 27:1)
2. Adventure, new things to learn, explore, experience.
B. God Wants You to Enjoy Being Young!
1. Rejoice – “To be glad, to cheer up, be happy” – Pursue wholesome pleasure – 3:12-13, 22; 5:18; 11:8.
2. Remember: Something does not have to be sinful/wrong for it to be fun! (Smoking, drinking, violence, dirty jokes…)
C. God Wants You To Know That You Will Answer To Him For Your Conduct While You Are Young.
1. Chose your activities knowing they will be judged.
2. Cf. Parents fill role of judge for a time (teach the lesson).
3. God sees all / judges all [you will answer for all].
4. Some grown-ups do not want to put this responsibility upon their children (or themselves) — But God already has!
a. Do you understand sin? Is there sin in your life? What will happen to you if you are not saved from your sins? Who Jesus is? What He did for you? What should you do for Him?
b. Accountability means you are responsible & that you will answer for your conduct. – 2 Cor. 5:10; Eccl. 12:14.
II. REMOVE THE CAUSE OF SORROW: SIN – 11:10.
A. Being Young Is Not An Excuse To Sin.
1. Sin brings spiritual death/present difficulties.
2. Find genuine joy in your youth by removing evil which causes pain & sorrow – cf. Lk. 2:52.
3. Being young is not completely satisfying (“vanity”).
B. Remove Sin From Your Life (The Cause Of Sorrow) – Psa. 119:9. (We all sin — it is what we do about it that makes the difference!)
1. Become a Christian (H-B-R-C-B).
2. Live for Jesus – Be faithful (Matt. 7:21).
3. Run from sin & to good – 2 Tim. 2:22.
4. Be careful of the friends you choose – Prov. 1:10-16.
-2 Corinthians 7:1-
III. REMEMBER GOD – 12:1.
A. Think About God Now…Today And Every Day! – Prov. 3:1-2
1. Joseph – (Gen. 39:1) – At 17 (37:2), he remembered God though in a far away land!
2. Samuel – (1 Sam. 3:10) – As a child he was ready to hear God speak.
3. David (1 Sam. 17:33, 37) – He remembered God’s power to save. (Great faith).
4. Josiah (2 Chrn. 34:1-3); At 16 he began to seek God & aggressively combat sin. You can seek God & defend truth, too.
5. Daniel & his companions (Dan. 1:8-16) – Remembered it is more important not to defile themselves than to go along with the crowd.
6. Timothy (2 Tim. 4:12) – Remembered to set an example of godliness from his youth up.
7. Jesus (Lk. 2:49) – Always remembered to obey God.
B. Things That Will Help You Remember God:
1. Make up your mind…Now! – Josh. 24:15
2. Learn the Bible – Rom. 10:17.
3. Obey God – Heb. 5:9 (Jesus saves those who obey).
4. Pray – 1 Ths. 5:17.
5. Praise (worship) God – Psa. 148:12-13.
6. Eccl. 12:1 – You are setting a pattern for the rest of your life right now!
Conclusion
1. Eccl. 11:9-12:1 – Youth are to rejoice in all good things that give the heart true happiness (v. 9).
a. Put aside sin because it interferes with true joy (v. 10).
b. Know that only by remembering God while you are young will you find true happiness throughout life (v. 1).
2. Eccl. 12:13 – This is your duty, too!
Citations
THE STATE OF YOUTH
“Our youths love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority—they show disrespect for their elders and love to chatter in places of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when their elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up food, and tyrannize teachers.”
(Attributed to Socrates, c. 400 BC)
Attributed to SOCRATES by Plato, according to William L. Patty and Louise S. Johnson, Personality and Adjustment, p. 277 (1953)
—
“The world is passing through troublous times. The young people of today think of nothing but themselves. They have no reverence for parents or old age. They are impatient of all restraint. They talk as if they knew everything, and what passes for wisdom with us is foolishness with them. As for the girls, they are forward, immodest and unladylike in speech, behavior and dress.”
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“HAPPY MOTHERS’ DAY”
TODAY, LET US CELEBRATE ALL OUR MOMS FOR BEING WHO THEY ARE!!! “MOM, I LOVE YOU VERY MUCH!!”
Both men and women need to be taught how to be good parents (Titus 2:3-5). As Christians we have the wonderful opportunity to help people in the world who are struggling with parenthood, and plenty are, for many young parents did not have a good role model of parenting when they were growing up and thus have no clear path to follow. We can show them.
Mothers Worry
Mothers worry about all sorts of things. One writer noted a mother who was “worried sick her little girl is going to end up a brat or die young or be disliked or be too impulsive or have addictive tendencies or never develop self-control” (A Mother’s Worries, Amy Henry, Worldmag.com). We can equally disproportionately fret about everything from food preservatives, white sugar, mean kids, their fingers getting caught in the car door, touching something hot, catching the latest flu bug and inexplicable fevers. I like how God helps us with our fears.
He first wants to hear every one of them: 1 Peter 5:7
Secondly, He asks us to trade all lesser fears for what really matters. He wants us to come to Him and refinance or restructure our worry debt. If we trust Him, all our fears can be reduced into one simple “payment”, “Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell” (Matthew 10:28).
That is, our one overriding concern in parenting is seeking to help our kids make it to heaven. If they make it to heaven, then it does not really matter what else happened or did not happen to them, and if they don’t make it, then all the other stuff that we sought to protect them from – was all for naught.
A Mother’s Love
Being a mother has never been easy, especially when the mother is dealing not only with Satan, that roaring lion who is after her children (1 Peter 5:8), but also all the human expectations that our society tends to place on mothers. Do we have our children in all the right classes at the right ages, how did our kid’s birthday party measure up to the other parties? All these rules and countless others are all in constant flux. Once again, the Bible is our liberator. There are two basic areas that will demand your focus.
Love your husband: Titus 2:4
If your kids don’t clearly see this, then everything you are doing isn’t going to make much of a difference. Love that dad, speak respectfully and kindly of him, back him up, and stand together as the team you were designed to be (Genesis 2:18). Ayelet Waldman received flack in 2005 over her New York Times essay, ‘Truly, Madly, Guiltily”. She stated that she loved her husband more than her children. That she loved them, but wasn’t ‘in love’ with them. The people who really got on her case, were other moms. I did not read all the article, but she was right about one thing, there is a difference in the love one has for one’s mate and the love one has for one’s children. Be “in love” with you husband. Kindle your romance. The security of knowing the stability of a warm and solid marriage will benefit your child immensely. It creates a burden for the child when the child realizes that a parent is “in love” with them, that is, has all their hopes and dreams wrapped up only in that child.
Love your children: Titus 2:4
What wisdom was demonstrated when God created the human family to be composed of a union between a man and a woman – that God selected the female to be the mother and the male to be the father. Women can have an abundance of wisdom about really practical things, such as relationships. I am reminded that it was the mother of King Lemuel who gave the excellent advice about sexual fidelity (Proverbs 31:3), the dangers of alcohol (31:4-7), having the courage of speak up when justice is on the line (31:8-9), and the type of woman and a king (and all other men) needs to marry (31:10ff).
To the young, unmarried Christian woman. Do you want to be able to enjoy mothering your children in a peaceful, joy-filled home? Do you want your children to look back upon their childhood with warm, fond memories? Then don’t even date a man who:
Physically abuses you (hitting, slapping, pushing, shoving, etc.)
Making excuses for abuse “I was drunk”, “I Can’t control my temper”, “I was joking”.
Makes you feel unworthy, inadequate, or crazy.
Twists the truth to make you feel guilty for their own actions.
Threatens to harm you or harm themselves if you leave the relationship.
Demands to know where you are at all times.
Falsely accuses you of flirting or looking desirously at others.
Becomes jealous when you want to spend time with friends or family.
Pressures you to have sex, or engage in lascivious acts.
Tells you they would not abuse you if you were change.
Tells you what you do is never good enough – constant criticism.
Their emotion for you runs from hot to cold, and is used to manipulate you.
Makes you nervous so that you have to tiptoe around him to avoid his wrath.
Treats you as a servant rather than the love of his life.
Calls you degrading names.
Insists you drink or do drugs with them.
Does things to scare you as a means of punishing you – hits walls, drives dangerously.
Keeps money from you; keeps you in debt; has money secrets.
Breaks things when he is angry – including your things.
Keeps you from getting ahead, going to school, getting a job; wants to keep you dependent on them for everything.
Uses you as a kind of temporary stop-over as they are waiting for the next relationship.
Acts one way in front of others, and another in front of you.
They spend money on you and then expect sexual favors in return.
Healthy Relationships
They honor and respect you in both deeds and words: 1 Peter 3:7
They seek to understand your needs, thus they listen carefully.
They are joyful to be with you: Ecclesiastes 9:9
They sacrifice for you and protect you: Ephesians 5:25
They bringing out the best in you and help you move closer to spiritual people and God. Nourishing a relationship in which you can grow and thrive. 5:29
They have your back. Genesis 2:18
They do you good. Proverbs 31:12
You fully trust them. Proverbs 31:11
They value the truth, especially the truth about their own short-comings.
They are not suspicious. 1 Corinthians 13:7
They acknowledge responsibility for themselves, and admit their own mistakes.
Together you search for win-win solutions, and do things that each of you enjoy.
They fairly share the work load.
They disagree with you without threats or name-calling.
They giving genuine compliments, not selfishly expecting something in return.
They help without keeping score.
They encourage your success in those things that are meaningful and important to you. They do not ridicule your goals or dreams.
Honoring Your Mother as An Adult at Home
Turning 18 does not exempt one from the rules and responsibilities of the family. Mom and Dad are still expected to follow the rules and pitch in, so is everyone else in the house, no matter the age.
Parents should never feel like they are strangers in their own homes and should never feel uncomfortable in their own homes. Add to the joy and peace of your home.
Verbal disrespect is never tolerated, “honor” is an ageless principle.(Eph. 6:1-2).
Submit joyfully to the rule of God in your household (Joshua 24:15), and honor him. Be grateful for all the blessings that spring from being in a Christian home.
Parents always have the right to speak the truth. Listen to your mother Prov. 31:1ff
When possible, help with the rent or other household expenses.
Be grateful when your mother allows you to suffer for your foolish decisions, and does not constantly prevent consequences. Consequences can be a good thing. Thank God that He is allowing life to also parent you.
I would like to close this lesson by saying, “After all, don’t worry, things will just work out”, they will turn out okay – and yet we know that this is not always the case. Teach them about God, inform them about the devil, give them everything you have, pray hard, reinforce them everywhere you can – and know that you are the best person qualified for this task. God is with you in this! When you give it your all, God promises a “Well done good and faithful servant”.
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“Three Views of Self”
By Wayne Jackson
In one of his compositions, poet John Donne had this phrase: “No man is an island.” Whatever the expression meant to him, it contains a general truth.
None of us lives an isolated existence. While we see ourselves in a certain light, others may view us quite differently. Our Creator assesses us with absolute accuracy!
Our View of Ourselves
One’s view of himself can be very misleading, and to a degree most likely is usually the case.
Robert Burns wrote a poem titled “To a Louse” in which he described an uppity woman who strutted into church one Sunday in all her finery, totally unaware there was a louse crawling on her bonnet. Obviously she viewed herself as a woman of beauty and dignity. But one line has it: “If we could only see ourselves as other people see us.”
Five times in the book of Proverbs, Solomon speaks of those who are self-deceived. He describes how some are perceived in their own eyes. They view themselves as wise (3:7), or as always being right (12:15; 21:2), or clean (16:2), or pure (30:12). But they are looking into reflections of self-deception.
One can only have a correct perception of himself when he looks into the mirror of God’s word, and does not forget the imperfect image he sees (cf. Jas. 1:23-24). Paul cautions us not to think more highly of ourselves than we ought (Rom. 12:3).
On the other hand, it is no sin to express a confidence in one’s dedication to the Savior. Paul did not hesitate to catalog his sacrificial credentials when such was to the advantage of the gospel (Phil. 3:4ff).
How Others View Us
While no one should strive to dishonestly solicit an inaccurate impression of himself by others, scripture does emphasize the power and necessity of providing a good example for others (1 Cor. 11:1; Tit. 2:7). Even when we do our best, there are times when others will view us negatively.
Not even the blessed Son of God was exempt from negative criticism. He was accused of being born of fornication, of being a despised Samaritan, being demon possessed, and of joining in league with Satan (Jn. 8:41, 48; Mt. 12:24).
By way of contrast, some are seen as paragons of virtue when they are just the opposite. Sports stars are applauded, when some of them are moral trash. Even some preachers are elevated beyond the status of their character.
In the Old Testament, Saul, Israel’s first king, began his administration in a reign of glory. He was deemed “goodlier” than all others in Israel. He stood above the people from his shoulders upward, and the women composed songs to celebrate his courage and victories (1 Sam. 9:2; 18:7). But he became a major character disappointment.
Barnabas had a good reputation, earned and well deserved (Acts 4:36-37). Likely Ananias and Sapphira wanted the same acclamation (note the contrasting conjunction in Acts 5:1) and attempted to hijack it—the subterfuge costing them their lives (vv. 1-11).
God’s View of You
Paramount, however, above all others (even though they are important) is the Lord’s view of us, for he does not merely observe the externals; instead, he sees the heart (1 Sam. 16:7; Jn. 2:25; Acts 1:24).
In Jesus’ day, the Pharisees were notorious for their religious theatrics. They were “show-offs” when giving their contributions, they struck a pose on the street corners as they prayed, and when they fasted they “disfigured their faces” (Mt. 6:1-18). They even made self-serving speeches, congratulating themselves for their supposed virtues (Lk. 18:11-12).
But the Son of God saw the matter differently, and in Matthew 23 he peeled off their hypocritical hides, exposing to the bone their self-centered wickedness.
The concluding document of the New Testament is the book of Revelation. Chapters two and three contain seven letters dispatched by Christ to seven congregations in Asia Minor. These were not the only churches of that region, but they are representative of congregations as a whole.
Each of these epistles contains the phrase, “I know” (2:2, 9, 13, 19; 3:1, 8, 15). Whether the phrase accompanied a commendation or a condemnation, the Savior viewed these brothers and sisters with precise accuracy. He indicated they would be judged accordingly—either with reward or punishment, consistent with the divine standard of judgment.
A wonderful study can be engaged by pursuing an investigation of the phrase, “in the sight of God” (found nineteen times in the Scriptures). The action or state may be applauded or condemned.
For example, those who are pretentious in one way, but act in quite another, are an abomination “in the sight of God” (Lk. 16:15). Those who take care for their aged loved ones are pleasing “in the sight of God” (1 Tim. 5:4).
Let each of us soberly reflect upon these different analytical views. (See also: The Bible and Self-Esteem.)
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